


Like Real People Do.

by reidbyers



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: F/M, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-20
Updated: 2018-04-20
Packaged: 2019-04-25 05:58:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14372385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reidbyers/pseuds/reidbyers
Summary: Spencer in all his knowledge of language found it difficult to wrap his head around the word love, that was until he experienced it himself.





	Like Real People Do.

_I had a thought, dear. However scary, about that night, the bugs and the dirt._

It is possible to love something too much. Love is not always good, it can infect and spread like rot and ruin everything it touches. Love can be manipulative, jealous, loving the wrong thing could tear cities apart. To be able to love does not make you good, it makes you human and being human does not make you good either.

Spencer had always been fascinated with the concept of love. There were so many different kinds: platonic, romantic, familarial, and those were only to name a few. It was in every facet of life, a love of education and literature, a love for his mother and the difficult choices that came with that. If you worked hard enough then you could boil everything in life down to being done out of love, good or bad.

Loving something and being in love were two very different things from what Spencer understood. It was always from the viewpoint of someone who had spent the majority of their life alone, he loved his job and he loved Thomas Merton but he wasn’t in love with them. It was a puzzling topic, one he’d spoken to his friends about.

“It’s like…I love you, but I wouldn’t say I was in love with you. I’m in love with my husband, it’s a more committed kind of saying. You’re in it together, if that makes sense.” JJ had explained in response to his question. They’d been seated on the plane, everyone else around them either asleep or so busy with what they were doing they didn’t bother listening in. Spencer just nodded his head and turned back to his book, satisfied with the answer he’d received.

Years would pass before he truly understood the difference. Language was broad and complex and that was why he found it so interesting but it was also incessant. There were words in languages that couldn’t be translated and phrases that found home in only certain places, Spencer found himself becoming involved with those words and less with love as it was a constant reminded that he didn’t understand.

Then he met you.

He could only liken it to finally breathing after holding his breath for so long, that sweet sting in his chest and the bliss of air finally in his lungs. He’d heard plenty of descriptions of love over the years, from the mouths of friends and the printed letters on a page but it was so different than he’d imagined. Falling in love was an accurate description, it was as though he’d taken a step off of the edge of a building with no knowledge of what lay beneath him.

Some people had told him that it was scary. That feeling of not being able to breathe could be likened to so many things. Some days being in love felt like being trapped in a coffin, that may not have sounded romantic in the slightest but it was true. It felt like choking on fear of things going wrong and being left scarred for life, too much dirt under your fingernails from trying to claw your way up to a better place.

_Why were you digging? What did you bury before those hands pulled me from the earth?_

Love didn’t have to be this grand statement but when it was, when it was about getting your hands dirty and prying nails out of wood, that was the sort of love that was unforgettable. Even if love decided it couldn’t stay, the memory of all the things it had given would remain.

“Are you awake?” Spencer’s voice was soft and masked in the cosiness of sleep, and considering it was around one in the morning that was fair. He’d been trying to sleep for hours, long since your body had succumb to rest but it just wasn’t happening. Too many thought raced around his head, too much to do and feel and say to just lay there for hours on end.

You grumbled into the softness of your pillow and tried to cuddle closer to them. Before Spencer had spoken you were in the in between place of sleeping and awake, where the real world felt fuzzy but dreams had not yet come to fruition. It wasn’t unusual for him to not be asleep, he was able to run on very little amounts of it despite your protest.

“I am now.” You mumbled and peeked one eye open. Spencer’s hair was a mess, that wasn’t new but curls lay delicately over his forehead and looked effortlessly soft. He was the definition of doe-eyed, all gentle eyes and pouty pink lips and looking like he came straight out of a romantic novel. Out of all the things to wake up to, this was easily the best.

“I’m sorry.” Spencer gave a small smile as he shifted awkwardly. The street lights outside gave the room the darkness still but spread an warm glow, making it so neither you or Spencer had to strain your eyes to see. If he had known you were awake then he wouldn’t have spoken. It had been more to soothe his interior dialogue about you being weirded out by him staring at you.

You wiggled your arms out from beneath the blanket and extended one out to wrap around Spencer, he immediately eased into your touch and let you pull him closer. He wasn’t much of a cuddler but occasionally the right time and place came around and he just wanted to be held. With a little moving around and switching positions, your arms were around his waist and his around your middle, his head a little below yours.

_I will not ask you where you came from, I will not ask and neither should you._

“You okay?” Spencer smiled at the feeling of your words vibrating up your throat, he nuzzled his nose against the side of your neck before glancing up through his lashes. He was laying in such a way that his knees were up near his stomach, making himself smaller as to feel as though he was being looked after. Sometimes he needed that, it wasn’t one of those moments but there was something nice about feeling small.

He’d never known someone who loved sleep so much, it was never something he super looked forward to but with you it was one of the best parts of the day. Crawling into a warm bed with soft covers, all the tension melting away as sweet dreams filled your brain, what was to dislike?

He’d never loved someone so much before.

When he’d asked you to describe what love felt like, one rainy Thursday afternoon, you likened it to falling asleep. It felt like the most basic instinct, to find something warm and never want to let it go. It was where everything started and where it would all end, and it happened before you could even notice.

“I’m okay.” Spencer replied, watching your eyes slowly drift closed again as sleep became more and more tempting. He couldn’t help but smile at how right you had been that day, this was exactly what love felt like. 

With that, he leant up and pressed the gentlest kiss to your lips. It was so feather soft that for a second you thought you were imagining it, that was until Spencer pulled away and pressed another light kiss to the corner of your mouth. He rarely kissed you first, not that you minded since he gave no complaints when you kissed him but it was a nice change. One last kiss to the tip of your nose and he dropped his head back down to your chest, the steady beating of your heart a lullaby he would love forever.

While loving something too much is possible, to love is the best feeling of all and now Spencer knew what being in love felt like, he was never going to let it go.

_Honey just put your sweet lips on my lips. We should just kiss like real people do._


End file.
